Dear Optifast,
Made up one of your "delicious meal replacements" this evening. Your " Chocolate Dessert".
I made it up according to instructions, in a Tupperware shaker. I poured it into a lovely china bowl, as aesthetics do matter - especially when on a strict regime.
I covered it in clingfilm and popped it in the fridge for 10 mins. This was as long as I could wait as I was starving hungry.
I have been living on your Chicken Soups ( fairly okay for a dried product - nutritionally sound more importantly says my nutritionist) and the chocolate brownieish bars ( okay with coffee and long as you nibble slowly).
I have tried other products - and even hungry I could not eat some of them - some of your competitors' bars are quite inedible. My nutritionist says she eats them happily all the time and I am just fussy. I politely disagree.
At last, after 10 mins, I took the bowl from the fridge, removed the film, sat down and dipped my spoon. The first mouthful was....slimy, salty and vaguely cardboardy. Is there really chocolate in there? Egg white? It was awful. Inedible.
I offered it to my husband - not a great waster of food. One spoonful. Nop. He would not - could not eat it. Slimy and sticky and not nice - floury.
Our children tried it - yeugh & stink
The dogs came next - we have three. This was before their dinner. Not one would eat it - two sniffed and backed away, one licked and walked away and this was the dog who ate a four day dead goldfish that had been floating in the pond.
Why is it so bad? The milkshake is okay, the bars are okay - but the dessert? More bitter choc flavour & lighter texture perhaps?
Me? I am happy to be a good cook, and a fussy eater with the same instincts as a rottengoldfish eating toy poodle.
I had Optifast Chicken Soup. After all, the dog eats the bit I leave "for the angels"....
Monday, August 23, 2010
Lap Band In - Day One
I have actually done it. I am the proud owner of a lap band. I stopped my metformin yesterday. I am not hungry. I have other things going on in there - one new feeling too. But no hunger.
Can't burp. Tried. Can't. Gets to sternum and stops - ah, but does a sneaky. It goes away quietly quietly. You forget, too late. It emerges triumphant as an enormous fart. Inoffensive really as farts go, but a fart none the less. I had my Lapband less than 24 hrs when I worked out this new mechanism.
The bruising is going to be a doozy, the poor theatre staff also had to use pink stuff instead of iodine( I am allergic) - and I looked impressive post-op. All strawberry pink & swollen bellied. Very attractive.
I am also allergic to latex.
How did I find that one out?
Which form of contraceptive is made of latex?
ah ha
Anyway, you go first or lastinto theatre, everything is covered up & gloves are vinyl etc. All dressings are checked for latex. The interesting thing I found out this time is that if you are allergic to latex you should avoid the following foods:
Oranges,pineapples, grapefruit, bananas, avocadoes, mangoes & most other citrus fruits.
So now,
No bread, no pastry, no rice, no pasta, no citrus, no dairy (except live yogurt)no pineapple, no grapefruit, no bananas, no mangoes, no avocadoes - and I already cannot eat egg yolk. Maybe I am just meant to have tha lapband after all!
Can't burp. Tried. Can't. Gets to sternum and stops - ah, but does a sneaky. It goes away quietly quietly. You forget, too late. It emerges triumphant as an enormous fart. Inoffensive really as farts go, but a fart none the less. I had my Lapband less than 24 hrs when I worked out this new mechanism.
The bruising is going to be a doozy, the poor theatre staff also had to use pink stuff instead of iodine( I am allergic) - and I looked impressive post-op. All strawberry pink & swollen bellied. Very attractive.
I am also allergic to latex.
How did I find that one out?
Which form of contraceptive is made of latex?
ah ha
Anyway, you go first or lastinto theatre, everything is covered up & gloves are vinyl etc. All dressings are checked for latex. The interesting thing I found out this time is that if you are allergic to latex you should avoid the following foods:
Oranges,pineapples, grapefruit, bananas, avocadoes, mangoes & most other citrus fruits.
So now,
No bread, no pastry, no rice, no pasta, no citrus, no dairy (except live yogurt)no pineapple, no grapefruit, no bananas, no mangoes, no avocadoes - and I already cannot eat egg yolk. Maybe I am just meant to have tha lapband after all!
Hospital, Weigh In & Pee
Hospital
I even had to get blood test BEFORE I got here. Fortunately I was allowed to eat before 6am so I ate my last (ha!) Optifast chocolate bar & a big coffee at 5.45am. At 7.45am I was having blood tests. At 9.30am I was in hospital. At 10am we were in a bookshop as I had forgotten all reading material. 10.30am back in hospital having a shower with their lovely sponge full of disinfectant. By the way don't use this to clean the more "sensitive" areas of your body. Stings like nettles & needs lots of rinsing.
Gown VOLUMINOUS. Must have been expecting sumo wrestler. Maybe I sound larger on the phone. I know I am fat - but I am 93kg not 193kg. Put on my own pale pink cotton knickers. I am NOT wearing paper tie-ons - not again.
Get weighed = have lost 4.5kg on diet. Nearly fall off scales. Make poor nurse double check. Must have been all that peeing. Did I mention the peeing? The last two weeks I peed and peed and peed. and it smelt a little odd. Not nasty or asparagus bad - but a bit feraly musty. Normal apparently. Go figure.
Did a wee victory dance. So now I am 88.5kg. Still 155cm tall thankyou - would have been a bugger if I had shrunk! Could do with a coffee and something to eat...
See anaethetist. Funny chap. Gives me sedative. Fantastic stuff. I blab away like a fool all the way into theatre. Get the giggles getting onto table. Tell everyone how lovely they are and tankyou tankyou....out.
Wake up. Elephant has stomped on stomach. Where elephant is kept on premises I have no idea but this problem keeps my mind occupied and related thoughts of "Ice Age 3" until I realise where I am. Right shoulder is a bit sore - as they warned - but not painful. Thirsty - but not nauseous. Got to love GAs.
Rest of day asleep. BP checks, painkillers - just paracetemol - there was just discomfort not real pain - just surgical twinges. Mostly slept. suspect I snored a bit......
Wake up next morning to a cup of tea and the papers and a lovely fa'a'fine nurse AND NO HUNGER.
I even had to get blood test BEFORE I got here. Fortunately I was allowed to eat before 6am so I ate my last (ha!) Optifast chocolate bar & a big coffee at 5.45am. At 7.45am I was having blood tests. At 9.30am I was in hospital. At 10am we were in a bookshop as I had forgotten all reading material. 10.30am back in hospital having a shower with their lovely sponge full of disinfectant. By the way don't use this to clean the more "sensitive" areas of your body. Stings like nettles & needs lots of rinsing.
Gown VOLUMINOUS. Must have been expecting sumo wrestler. Maybe I sound larger on the phone. I know I am fat - but I am 93kg not 193kg. Put on my own pale pink cotton knickers. I am NOT wearing paper tie-ons - not again.
Get weighed = have lost 4.5kg on diet. Nearly fall off scales. Make poor nurse double check. Must have been all that peeing. Did I mention the peeing? The last two weeks I peed and peed and peed. and it smelt a little odd. Not nasty or asparagus bad - but a bit feraly musty. Normal apparently. Go figure.
Did a wee victory dance. So now I am 88.5kg. Still 155cm tall thankyou - would have been a bugger if I had shrunk! Could do with a coffee and something to eat...
See anaethetist. Funny chap. Gives me sedative. Fantastic stuff. I blab away like a fool all the way into theatre. Get the giggles getting onto table. Tell everyone how lovely they are and tankyou tankyou....out.
Wake up. Elephant has stomped on stomach. Where elephant is kept on premises I have no idea but this problem keeps my mind occupied and related thoughts of "Ice Age 3" until I realise where I am. Right shoulder is a bit sore - as they warned - but not painful. Thirsty - but not nauseous. Got to love GAs.
Rest of day asleep. BP checks, painkillers - just paracetemol - there was just discomfort not real pain - just surgical twinges. Mostly slept. suspect I snored a bit......
Wake up next morning to a cup of tea and the papers and a lovely fa'a'fine nurse AND NO HUNGER.
Just Pre-Op - Doubts & Death
The night before the op is a Sunday. A girlfriend is arriving at 6am to drive me to the hospital. I have get blood tests done at a local Lab at 8am fo my surgery at 12 noon. We should make it just fine.
This is my first non emergency, elective surgery. I was filling in all my forms earlier in the week and we were transferring the money (gulp) and I realised that before I had children I had been in hospital twice. Both A&E. Once with a dislocated knee and once with a broken toe. Since my first C-Section I have had about a dozen procedures - all needing doing and a couple which saved my life.
Made me wonder about plastic surgery. Why would anyone do it? In weak moments of self indulgent in the bathroom with the door locked vanity, I have pulled eyelid skin and wobbled my wattle. I have wondered about halfmoon lifts on the boobs, apronectomies, and "freshen-ups" on the cheekbones - you know, those ones they do with the little hooks under the skin & puuuuuulll. Take more than a few tenterhooks for me. I could never do surgery for FUN.
I always say to my gorgeous husband that he has to live with me as living with him ruined my looks - he has a good chuckle as I always claim that I have had the best of him - his 20's, his 30's and now his 40's! Fair exchange. Anyway. It would take far too much bother to train a new husband - I just don't have the spare 6 weeks.
My insecurities about dying on the table were NOT helped by my beloved asking over coffee and the Sunday papers if he could have the password for my Internet banking -"You know, just in case.."
"In case of what, sweetie?"
" In case you stay in hospital longer than we expect.."
" What, like 3 days instead of overnight?"
"No, longer..."
" 4 days?"
"Just in case, you er, um, ...."
" I er, um, WHAT, darling?"
"You know, in case..."
" I shall take it all with me, just for that." (yep all $254)
"Don't be like that, I'm just being sensible."
"Goulish. It's on my mobile under your Grandma's maiden name, all lowercase."
"What?"
" Ask your Mum."
I have decided not to die - but over a dozen ops in 15 years is pushing it, I know that God loves me, and after 15 successful ops he must love me alot - and I am his little sunbeam and I am grateful - but I don't take it for granted. So I write a quick update on the will, love letters to my children & beloved, make meals for the week do all outstanding laundry, change the beds, clean the fridge, tidy the pantry sort my underwear drawer, clean out the medicine cupboard, weed the veggie patches and givethe apple snails a big piece of cucumber. On the way to the hospital I realise I forget that the oven is dirty - ah well.
This is my first non emergency, elective surgery. I was filling in all my forms earlier in the week and we were transferring the money (gulp) and I realised that before I had children I had been in hospital twice. Both A&E. Once with a dislocated knee and once with a broken toe. Since my first C-Section I have had about a dozen procedures - all needing doing and a couple which saved my life.
Made me wonder about plastic surgery. Why would anyone do it? In weak moments of self indulgent in the bathroom with the door locked vanity, I have pulled eyelid skin and wobbled my wattle. I have wondered about halfmoon lifts on the boobs, apronectomies, and "freshen-ups" on the cheekbones - you know, those ones they do with the little hooks under the skin & puuuuuulll. Take more than a few tenterhooks for me. I could never do surgery for FUN.
I always say to my gorgeous husband that he has to live with me as living with him ruined my looks - he has a good chuckle as I always claim that I have had the best of him - his 20's, his 30's and now his 40's! Fair exchange. Anyway. It would take far too much bother to train a new husband - I just don't have the spare 6 weeks.
My insecurities about dying on the table were NOT helped by my beloved asking over coffee and the Sunday papers if he could have the password for my Internet banking -"You know, just in case.."
"In case of what, sweetie?"
" In case you stay in hospital longer than we expect.."
" What, like 3 days instead of overnight?"
"No, longer..."
" 4 days?"
"Just in case, you er, um, ...."
" I er, um, WHAT, darling?"
"You know, in case..."
" I shall take it all with me, just for that." (yep all $254)
"Don't be like that, I'm just being sensible."
"Goulish. It's on my mobile under your Grandma's maiden name, all lowercase."
"What?"
" Ask your Mum."
I have decided not to die - but over a dozen ops in 15 years is pushing it, I know that God loves me, and after 15 successful ops he must love me alot - and I am his little sunbeam and I am grateful - but I don't take it for granted. So I write a quick update on the will, love letters to my children & beloved, make meals for the week do all outstanding laundry, change the beds, clean the fridge, tidy the pantry sort my underwear drawer, clean out the medicine cupboard, weed the veggie patches and givethe apple snails a big piece of cucumber. On the way to the hospital I realise I forget that the oven is dirty - ah well.
Final Two Weeks
I am not going to bore everyone with the details of my descent into madness and the hell of the final two weeks.... I will just give you the highlights where I went from quite nice mum and wife to complete bitch through lack of food........
Feeding Small Dogs:
Never been a problem before. Dog food now becomes more meaty and casseroley. I feed ours a mixture of Beneful & Pouched. Beneful Healthy life comes in little popcorn sized pieces. Meat colour. Veggie Colour. Corn Colour. The dogs have them as treaties. God help me, one ended up in my mouth. I crunched. I tasted. I swallowed. I had some water. It wasn't that bad. Shame stopped me from eating more - I also looked on the bag for a kilojoule count. Seems dogs don't count kilojoules. I confessed this minor "cheat" to the nutritionist. There was silence at the other end of the phone.
"You still there?"
"A dog biscuit?"
" Just one, very little one..."
A loooong silence
"Let's move on shall we? How has the rest of the week been?"
Cravings:
After the first week the hunger does abate a bit - just a little bit. I discovered a craving for apples. And bacon sandwiches. My husband was hoping it would be sex. How or why would he think that? Why would anyone hungry instrantly think " oh, I am sooo hungry, but I cannot eat. I know, I will have sex and root like a rattlesnake instead."
Where was I? Oh yes, Bacon sandwiches.
2 slices Vogels spelt & rye toast, one lightly buttered, the other smeared with Colmans English mustard.
4 slices of eye shoulder bacon ( Freedom Farms) slightly overdone & crispy
I pot of assam tea, no milk, no sugar. There you go - The Perfect Sunday Breakfast.
Unfortunately, little babies begin to look edible too, and I can see things now from the vampires point of view. Zombies are terribly misunderstood - brains would be delicious....
Temper:
Short.
"Do as you are told."
" No discussion!"
"Nice Mummy is on holiday!"
"Don't FUSS with ME sweetie!"
"I am not in the mood."
" Don't even THINK of eating my soup"
" It would be cruel to make me make your dinner"
"Bugger off/ sod off /go away/ don't/ leave me alone/ aaaargh/ I'm hungry"
Headaches:
Lots of headaches. But this is normal- I asked. I have had no dizziness, or lightheadedness. I just drink a small glass of water every hour or so and take paracetemol. Still want chocolate - so still normal there.
Type 2 Diabetes:
By the 2nd week my Metformin is down to one x 500mg at night - from 3 x 500mg per day. Not bad.
Other Health Benefits:
I have to admit that not eating bread and carbohydrates ( I cannot call them "carbs" I am not a bodybuilder) - potatoes, rice and pasta, I do feel better. God, that hurts to say. My sinuses have all cleared and my IBS has vanished. Bugger. I am pleased and appalled all at the same time. It means NO naughty little bits of ice cream EVER. NO cream EVER. NO cheese ( and I only ate feta). It means NO bread, no rice, no pasta .....but no sinus pain and no revolting stomach pains. Ah well.
Onwards.
Feeding Small Dogs:
Never been a problem before. Dog food now becomes more meaty and casseroley. I feed ours a mixture of Beneful & Pouched. Beneful Healthy life comes in little popcorn sized pieces. Meat colour. Veggie Colour. Corn Colour. The dogs have them as treaties. God help me, one ended up in my mouth. I crunched. I tasted. I swallowed. I had some water. It wasn't that bad. Shame stopped me from eating more - I also looked on the bag for a kilojoule count. Seems dogs don't count kilojoules. I confessed this minor "cheat" to the nutritionist. There was silence at the other end of the phone.
"You still there?"
"A dog biscuit?"
" Just one, very little one..."
A loooong silence
"Let's move on shall we? How has the rest of the week been?"
Cravings:
After the first week the hunger does abate a bit - just a little bit. I discovered a craving for apples. And bacon sandwiches. My husband was hoping it would be sex. How or why would he think that? Why would anyone hungry instrantly think " oh, I am sooo hungry, but I cannot eat. I know, I will have sex and root like a rattlesnake instead."
Where was I? Oh yes, Bacon sandwiches.
2 slices Vogels spelt & rye toast, one lightly buttered, the other smeared with Colmans English mustard.
4 slices of eye shoulder bacon ( Freedom Farms) slightly overdone & crispy
I pot of assam tea, no milk, no sugar. There you go - The Perfect Sunday Breakfast.
Unfortunately, little babies begin to look edible too, and I can see things now from the vampires point of view. Zombies are terribly misunderstood - brains would be delicious....
Temper:
Short.
"Do as you are told."
" No discussion!"
"Nice Mummy is on holiday!"
"Don't FUSS with ME sweetie!"
"I am not in the mood."
" Don't even THINK of eating my soup"
" It would be cruel to make me make your dinner"
"Bugger off/ sod off /go away/ don't/ leave me alone/ aaaargh/ I'm hungry"
Headaches:
Lots of headaches. But this is normal- I asked. I have had no dizziness, or lightheadedness. I just drink a small glass of water every hour or so and take paracetemol. Still want chocolate - so still normal there.
Type 2 Diabetes:
By the 2nd week my Metformin is down to one x 500mg at night - from 3 x 500mg per day. Not bad.
Other Health Benefits:
I have to admit that not eating bread and carbohydrates ( I cannot call them "carbs" I am not a bodybuilder) - potatoes, rice and pasta, I do feel better. God, that hurts to say. My sinuses have all cleared and my IBS has vanished. Bugger. I am pleased and appalled all at the same time. It means NO naughty little bits of ice cream EVER. NO cream EVER. NO cheese ( and I only ate feta). It means NO bread, no rice, no pasta .....but no sinus pain and no revolting stomach pains. Ah well.
Onwards.
Liver Fat Reduction Regime
This pre op diet has to be the worst part of the whole experience. I cannot believe that the operation is worse than this.
No offense to "Optifast" - the chicken soup is passable, the chocolate bars just edible - with good coffee ( and a lot of it) - but the rest? I made up the chocolate milkshake. Yeugh. Perhaps it is because I don't drink milk normally, but there was a strong porrigey thing going on.
I persevere. Chocolate bar for breakfast. I get my fluids by drinking a pot of politically correct, organic, picked by virgin princesses of the Borneo jungle arabica coffee. I snaffle 500mls of veggie soup at 10.30am. 1pm - I am swirling Optifast soup in in big red soup mug with renewed admiration for astronauts and their ability to eat reconstituted dried space food rations.
Eat 6 Eclipse sugar free mints cleaning out the spare room. I now have a nice little office space in the corner.
4pm Offspring home. Another 500mls of veggie soup as they have cheese & crackers, fruit ( crunchy Rose apples, bananas, packham pears......).
Empty dishwashers, avoid kitchen.
5pm Husband home - makes dinner from ingredients laid out - I have ANOTHER chicken soup whilst he cooks and go into other living room whilst everyone sits down to eat.
Stomach growls, howls, sobs, whines....
8.30pm Have 99% fat free 4.2g yoghurt.
My bloody liver better look like a ten year old vegetarians.
No offense to "Optifast" - the chicken soup is passable, the chocolate bars just edible - with good coffee ( and a lot of it) - but the rest? I made up the chocolate milkshake. Yeugh. Perhaps it is because I don't drink milk normally, but there was a strong porrigey thing going on.
I persevere. Chocolate bar for breakfast. I get my fluids by drinking a pot of politically correct, organic, picked by virgin princesses of the Borneo jungle arabica coffee. I snaffle 500mls of veggie soup at 10.30am. 1pm - I am swirling Optifast soup in in big red soup mug with renewed admiration for astronauts and their ability to eat reconstituted dried space food rations.
Eat 6 Eclipse sugar free mints cleaning out the spare room. I now have a nice little office space in the corner.
4pm Offspring home. Another 500mls of veggie soup as they have cheese & crackers, fruit ( crunchy Rose apples, bananas, packham pears......).
Empty dishwashers, avoid kitchen.
5pm Husband home - makes dinner from ingredients laid out - I have ANOTHER chicken soup whilst he cooks and go into other living room whilst everyone sits down to eat.
Stomach growls, howls, sobs, whines....
8.30pm Have 99% fat free 4.2g yoghurt.
My bloody liver better look like a ten year old vegetarians.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Day Three - Hungerville
I am so hungry.
For a change this morning I have decided to have an apple. A little itty bitty apple. I sliced and decored this little Rose apple. I had it with the Choc Berry crunch Bar and fresh coffee.
Children off to school. Homework done. All crises averted. Animals fed.
Propped up. Coffee poured, munching little slices of apple. So far, so good. Started on the surprisingly substantial bar. This is Weetbix cum oaty cum carob. Okay. Better than choc-gruel.
Feel light headed and achey after migraine - go for walk with dogs, do shopping, do mountain of washing and folding, housework, phonecalls, some study, take son to Music Lesson, pick up Girls from afterschool activities drop off to more Lessons, just remember it's Pizza Night.
Order Pizza
Eat my chicken, broccolli & carrots. Found a caterpiller in my broccolli! A steamed one! That would explain the funny taste two bites earlier....
Wake up at 3.30am with headache and pains in stomach I am so hungry. Eat yoghurt . Quiets the wee fat woman inside. She's getting a bit noisy.
For a change this morning I have decided to have an apple. A little itty bitty apple. I sliced and decored this little Rose apple. I had it with the Choc Berry crunch Bar and fresh coffee.
Children off to school. Homework done. All crises averted. Animals fed.
Propped up. Coffee poured, munching little slices of apple. So far, so good. Started on the surprisingly substantial bar. This is Weetbix cum oaty cum carob. Okay. Better than choc-gruel.
Feel light headed and achey after migraine - go for walk with dogs, do shopping, do mountain of washing and folding, housework, phonecalls, some study, take son to Music Lesson, pick up Girls from afterschool activities drop off to more Lessons, just remember it's Pizza Night.
Order Pizza
Eat my chicken, broccolli & carrots. Found a caterpiller in my broccolli! A steamed one! That would explain the funny taste two bites earlier....
Wake up at 3.30am with headache and pains in stomach I am so hungry. Eat yoghurt . Quiets the wee fat woman inside. She's getting a bit noisy.
Day Two
Blah Blah Day Two
Massive Migraine
Gruel for breakfast - children have aromatic toast & cereal - their sandwiches smell glorious - all migrainous aura induced.
Coffee & Panadeine
Sleep helps. Thank goodness I can. Must look a sight. Hotpack on head shivering under covers sipping coffee. Hungry but not bad. Good Old headache.
Later when children come home, I have managed some lunch ( tuna & salad) and done all the housework. so run red hot bath. Lie at bottom of our glorious big bath for as long as I can hold my breath. Several times. Headache subsides a bit. Feel like a dog's bum. Hate Migraines.
Husband home.
We have steak, veggies & oven chippies. Just the steak & veggies for me. Just the right portions. Small bites. chew chew chew. okay. not too bad. Takes ages to eat as not too hungry.
Off to bed at 7.30pm
More Panadeine plus usual tablets.
Cuddles with hot husband - bliss
Massive Migraine
Gruel for breakfast - children have aromatic toast & cereal - their sandwiches smell glorious - all migrainous aura induced.
Coffee & Panadeine
Sleep helps. Thank goodness I can. Must look a sight. Hotpack on head shivering under covers sipping coffee. Hungry but not bad. Good Old headache.
Later when children come home, I have managed some lunch ( tuna & salad) and done all the housework. so run red hot bath. Lie at bottom of our glorious big bath for as long as I can hold my breath. Several times. Headache subsides a bit. Feel like a dog's bum. Hate Migraines.
Husband home.
We have steak, veggies & oven chippies. Just the steak & veggies for me. Just the right portions. Small bites. chew chew chew. okay. not too bad. Takes ages to eat as not too hungry.
Off to bed at 7.30pm
More Panadeine plus usual tablets.
Cuddles with hot husband - bliss
First Day of Regime
D Day / First Day of Regime / Milkshake Day
Monday morning. Had big dinner last night - but no carbohydrates. Body wants Vogels & Coffee. It's 6.45am
Children woken, stirring. Get their breakfast sorted. Pop toast on. Boil kettle for hot chocs and my coffee.
Children start breakfast. Toast, cereal, lowfat hot chocs.
I read instructions on silver packet. 300mls cold water plus mix. Shake well.
Here goes. Make strong coffee.
Shake looks okay.
Get Newspaper, go back to bed, settle. Spread newspaper out, pour coffee. Hold shake out up to light. Green glass probably not a good idea. Sniff. Smells sort of like chocolate. Sip. Like smooth chocolate porridge. Cardboardy and oaty and sweet. Sip. Christ all bloody mighty. I have to drink the whole glass. Sip Italian coffee. Sip porridge. Coffee. Gruel. Coffee. Gruel......
Children leave. Dogs settle to sleep. Coffee. Gruel. Coffee. Gruel.
Lie Back. Finished. Must. Hold. It . Down.
Wake up two hours later. Take tablets, have shower and start day.
12.00 Starving. Eat Tuna & Salad plus lowfat 8g Sugar Yoghurt. Still hungry - yes, I ate slowly. Yes, I chewed every small mouthful to puree.
3.00pm So hungry. Eat Yohurt slowly. Lick spoon.
6.00pm Dinner I have chicken & salad, Family has chicken, salad, pasta & dressings.
11.30pm Wake up head spinning, migraine starting and so hungry. drink glass of water and two pandeine.
How will I do three weeks?
Monday morning. Had big dinner last night - but no carbohydrates. Body wants Vogels & Coffee. It's 6.45am
Children woken, stirring. Get their breakfast sorted. Pop toast on. Boil kettle for hot chocs and my coffee.
Children start breakfast. Toast, cereal, lowfat hot chocs.
I read instructions on silver packet. 300mls cold water plus mix. Shake well.
Here goes. Make strong coffee.
Shake looks okay.
Get Newspaper, go back to bed, settle. Spread newspaper out, pour coffee. Hold shake out up to light. Green glass probably not a good idea. Sniff. Smells sort of like chocolate. Sip. Like smooth chocolate porridge. Cardboardy and oaty and sweet. Sip. Christ all bloody mighty. I have to drink the whole glass. Sip Italian coffee. Sip porridge. Coffee. Gruel. Coffee. Gruel......
Children leave. Dogs settle to sleep. Coffee. Gruel. Coffee. Gruel.
Lie Back. Finished. Must. Hold. It . Down.
Wake up two hours later. Take tablets, have shower and start day.
12.00 Starving. Eat Tuna & Salad plus lowfat 8g Sugar Yoghurt. Still hungry - yes, I ate slowly. Yes, I chewed every small mouthful to puree.
3.00pm So hungry. Eat Yohurt slowly. Lick spoon.
6.00pm Dinner I have chicken & salad, Family has chicken, salad, pasta & dressings.
11.30pm Wake up head spinning, migraine starting and so hungry. drink glass of water and two pandeine.
How will I do three weeks?
Day Two Visit to Specialists
Night in a Hotel. Slept like a log. The Nurse had given me a little book on Lap Banding (don't forget the copyright sign) I must have fallen asleep at 9.15pm.
Went to the local supermarket that evening and bought my last dinner:
French bread
Brie
olives
basil
chicken
cranberry & soda
chocolate
tomatoes
cucumber
pate - farmhouse & cracked pepper
Ate quarter loaf with brie & basil, another quarter with pate,olive,tomato &cucumber. Had two huge glasses of 1:3 cranberry &soda 4 bits of chocolate & a black tea. Last meal. Couldn"t face the chicken.
Ran a huge scented bubble bath and talked to my darlings for 45 mins, caught up on their days, fell into bed - woke up at usual 6.30am - smiled went back to sleep until 7.15. Got up showered did hair dressed & went down for Hotel Breakfast.
Hotel Breakfasts
I am in two minds about Hotel Breakfasts. You have the Langham at one end and at the other.... well lets not go there. This hotel was a 5 if the Langham is a 9. The Croissants ( my last bear in mind) were inedible as they were undercooked from frozen. The coffee was okay. The toast good as you toasted your own wholegrain. I also had muesli - but with crushed Weetbix in it?? - with plain yogurt. Ah well.
A couple of hot buttery croissants with apricot jam and fresh dark black coffee would have been nice. A Pain au Chocolat, Vogels toast, proper muesli with pears & yoghurt..........
Nutritionist
Another lovely woman. This team is great. You go in. You sit down - and bang on time you are called through. She's slender and darkhaired and in her late twenties - and UNDERSTANDING. None of this " it's all about willpower" bullshit. She explains the regime concisely and well - I understand first time. Answers my questions on Ketosis. Then she gets the meal replacements out.
Oh. My. God.
They are revolting.
I love good food. I love slow cooked casseroles of venison, Roast chicken with Lemon & Thyme, Mediterranean Roast Veggies, Fresh fish, Crispy veggies, salads full of crunch and flavour, lamb shanks in red wine, I make a mean lean meat loaf pie - these silver packets are... are.... NOT FOOD!
I am handed a list by this pretty, well educated young woman.
"Just tick the ones you think you would most like - or delete the ones that you would not like and I will make up your meals to take with you before you leave today."
"okay"
Beef Curry soup - delete
Strawberry shake - delete
Honeycomb shake - double delete
Lemon Mousse - (what?) delete
Mint Chocolate Bar - delete
and so it went on.
I'm left with, oddly enough, Veggie soup, Chicken Soup, Chocolate shakes, Chocolate bars & 3 Choc berry crunch bars for a change. Oh God what have I done?
The Psychologist
I am not mad.
Good to establish. I am not so sure. After 16 years of parenting - I would have thought I was veering towards eccentric at least.
Small digression: we call it " eccentric" in my family. This covers most things. From full blown madness - an Auntie of 13 in the 1920's running around the house at night with a breadknife ( it may have been a carver) and leaping out windows to go and "meet" strange men. She was placed in a home for the rest of her life - to dressing flamboyantly & inappropriately - another Aunt who had lots of multicoloured feathers through her hair (a fashion statement) at her daughters wedding. No Hat. Just feathers which molted during the day.
Anyway, we discussed personality change, relationship changes - all of which I have already discussed ad nauseam with my husband - so I was fairly clued up and sorted out.
I think others may change towards me - if I change alot physically, that may alter how some perceive me - their problem not mine - we will see! Especially the skinny friends who love to have a fat friend......
Relationships -I love my husband - he will just have to love the new me - skinsuit and all - he's more worried I will run off with my new body & a toyboy. I think I will need a great deal of Nancy Ganz Underwear before I can even think of running anywhere.
Besides, a new husband takes 6 months to train - and I just can't be bothered...
We talked of children - and having them later in life. Of fat and thin. Of society. Of options and peer pressure on teenagers and explaining the Op to my two. All good useful and practical stuff.
Now I know where all the intelligent women in NZ hang out.
Therapist
Again a really nice clever woman with a horrid cold. I think a neurolinguist as she took note of the words I used as part of the therapy. This was the gut wrenching bit as she really did get to the core of my fears horribly quickly. How on earth did she do that? With a head cold?
I really fear this op failing.
She knew this very quickly and honed in on it.
By the end of the session I was happier, a bit wrung out, but we understood each other. And she was right. Bugger it.
Went back to main Office. Now late afternoon. I feel a bit drained, but know for sure I am doing the right thing. Ladies in Office call the practice nurse. She appers with bag of Meal Replacements. Yum. I pay the bill. Feel so emotionally relieved and happy and have such a huge weight of my shoulders that I cry quietly much of the way home.
Stop half way for walk & visit to new patchwork shop. Book into dollmaking class in February 2011.
My darlings all home.
Exhausted. Went to bed early. Sleep soundly for second time in over a year.
Went to the local supermarket that evening and bought my last dinner:
French bread
Brie
olives
basil
chicken
cranberry & soda
chocolate
tomatoes
cucumber
pate - farmhouse & cracked pepper
Ate quarter loaf with brie & basil, another quarter with pate,olive,tomato &cucumber. Had two huge glasses of 1:3 cranberry &soda 4 bits of chocolate & a black tea. Last meal. Couldn"t face the chicken.
Ran a huge scented bubble bath and talked to my darlings for 45 mins, caught up on their days, fell into bed - woke up at usual 6.30am - smiled went back to sleep until 7.15. Got up showered did hair dressed & went down for Hotel Breakfast.
Hotel Breakfasts
I am in two minds about Hotel Breakfasts. You have the Langham at one end and at the other.... well lets not go there. This hotel was a 5 if the Langham is a 9. The Croissants ( my last bear in mind) were inedible as they were undercooked from frozen. The coffee was okay. The toast good as you toasted your own wholegrain. I also had muesli - but with crushed Weetbix in it?? - with plain yogurt. Ah well.
A couple of hot buttery croissants with apricot jam and fresh dark black coffee would have been nice. A Pain au Chocolat, Vogels toast, proper muesli with pears & yoghurt..........
Nutritionist
Another lovely woman. This team is great. You go in. You sit down - and bang on time you are called through. She's slender and darkhaired and in her late twenties - and UNDERSTANDING. None of this " it's all about willpower" bullshit. She explains the regime concisely and well - I understand first time. Answers my questions on Ketosis. Then she gets the meal replacements out.
Oh. My. God.
They are revolting.
I love good food. I love slow cooked casseroles of venison, Roast chicken with Lemon & Thyme, Mediterranean Roast Veggies, Fresh fish, Crispy veggies, salads full of crunch and flavour, lamb shanks in red wine, I make a mean lean meat loaf pie - these silver packets are... are.... NOT FOOD!
I am handed a list by this pretty, well educated young woman.
"Just tick the ones you think you would most like - or delete the ones that you would not like and I will make up your meals to take with you before you leave today."
"okay"
Beef Curry soup - delete
Strawberry shake - delete
Honeycomb shake - double delete
Lemon Mousse - (what?) delete
Mint Chocolate Bar - delete
and so it went on.
I'm left with, oddly enough, Veggie soup, Chicken Soup, Chocolate shakes, Chocolate bars & 3 Choc berry crunch bars for a change. Oh God what have I done?
The Psychologist
I am not mad.
Good to establish. I am not so sure. After 16 years of parenting - I would have thought I was veering towards eccentric at least.
Small digression: we call it " eccentric" in my family. This covers most things. From full blown madness - an Auntie of 13 in the 1920's running around the house at night with a breadknife ( it may have been a carver) and leaping out windows to go and "meet" strange men. She was placed in a home for the rest of her life - to dressing flamboyantly & inappropriately - another Aunt who had lots of multicoloured feathers through her hair (a fashion statement) at her daughters wedding. No Hat. Just feathers which molted during the day.
Anyway, we discussed personality change, relationship changes - all of which I have already discussed ad nauseam with my husband - so I was fairly clued up and sorted out.
I think others may change towards me - if I change alot physically, that may alter how some perceive me - their problem not mine - we will see! Especially the skinny friends who love to have a fat friend......
Relationships -I love my husband - he will just have to love the new me - skinsuit and all - he's more worried I will run off with my new body & a toyboy. I think I will need a great deal of Nancy Ganz Underwear before I can even think of running anywhere.
Besides, a new husband takes 6 months to train - and I just can't be bothered...
We talked of children - and having them later in life. Of fat and thin. Of society. Of options and peer pressure on teenagers and explaining the Op to my two. All good useful and practical stuff.
Now I know where all the intelligent women in NZ hang out.
Therapist
Again a really nice clever woman with a horrid cold. I think a neurolinguist as she took note of the words I used as part of the therapy. This was the gut wrenching bit as she really did get to the core of my fears horribly quickly. How on earth did she do that? With a head cold?
I really fear this op failing.
She knew this very quickly and honed in on it.
By the end of the session I was happier, a bit wrung out, but we understood each other. And she was right. Bugger it.
Went back to main Office. Now late afternoon. I feel a bit drained, but know for sure I am doing the right thing. Ladies in Office call the practice nurse. She appers with bag of Meal Replacements. Yum. I pay the bill. Feel so emotionally relieved and happy and have such a huge weight of my shoulders that I cry quietly much of the way home.
Stop half way for walk & visit to new patchwork shop. Book into dollmaking class in February 2011.
My darlings all home.
Exhausted. Went to bed early. Sleep soundly for second time in over a year.
Visit to Specialist(s)
Drove two hours to see the specialist.
I am soooo nervous. What if they don't take me? What if they say I am not fat enough? What a ridiculous predicament - not fat enough - my BMI is too LOW. Hah! I will have to go away and eat myself into a higher BMI so they will take me...They generally don't take anyone with a BMI lower than 35. My Dr calculated mine at 34. I have done a bit of judicious eating in the past week - just Vogels & Organic Crunchy Peanut Butter at afternoon tea. Enough? I hope so.
I had received lots of information by mail about my two day visit. Bit daunting. The whole Lap Band Op is only part of the treatment - the rest is a comprehensive two year follow up with counselling sessions with the Team, plus "adjustments to the band". The "adjustment" bit has just popped into my consciousness....how do they adjust it if it is INSIDE???
The staff are all women and lovely. The first person I see is the Practice Nurse. We go through my questionnaire. She laughs at my long, longlist of tried weight loss methods. I considered "Past Life Regression" perfectly valid. A somewhat eccentric friend told me all weight problems were linked to past life experiences. So off I went. I was a Nun and a WWI fighter pilot - and was still fat.
No-one can say I haven't tried everything.
We look at the Lap Band - the name is trademarked so imagine a little copyright sign every time Imention it as Ican't find it here on my keyboard.
It really is a crafty piece of engineering. The inflatable bit for the saline is actually lots of little pockets which puff like a cathedral quilt - or deflate. The portal is carefully stitched to just below the breastbone. It's tiny. With a membrane that "heals" to allow a needle through. Yes, a needle.
The bit none of the literature mentions.
The Needle.
To inflate and deflate with the saline solution you need a Needle.
A Big Needle.
In your stomach - to get to the port.
I ask who prescribes the Novocaine patches and she laughes. I really thought we were bonding up to now, a new friendship, femme a femme - she's laughing!
" Most people don't feel it at all"
" Are they asleep?"
"No"
" Just lie down, lift up the top, swab, position and jab?"
" Yes"
" No painkillers?"
" You have very few nerves in that area, most people don't even feel it."
You have to wonder if she is lying don't you? I have been looking at the needle on the desk. I pick the horse syringe up and look at the darning needle attached.
"Not one person?"
"Well, one lady used a numbing gell to start with - but when it was finished didn't bother with more"
"A ha - might go up to two ladies..."
" That's okay - but the nurse who does the adjustments is very gentle and very understanding."
Then we got to height and BMI.
I am such a midget.
155cm on their height chart - am I shrinking already? I'm too young to shrink!
Next I stand in bare feet on a very special set of scales - it spits out a paper printout like a till receipt. I swear I hear distant giggling.
93.5kg - all that eating and only 500g?
BMI 39 - What the? Pardon?
Well, at least I am fat enough. Well fat enough....thirty bloody nine.....orca fat. Circus fat....I just thought of myself as cuddly and round. My husband loves me, I can do my 40 lengths in the pool. 39 Bloody hell. All that walking? 39? All that " no thankyou"? 39?
Next I saw the surgeon.
He was even better. Explained the whole thing - from why one's brain is hardwired the way it is, why he uses the Team approach, why it succeeds where others fail ( 99%) why it fails ( the Team & Two Year Plan has about a 1% Failure Rate). He was honest, encouraging and did not sugarcoat it (! sorry). It's going to be a hard two years. Starting next Monday - 5 days away. Pardon?
I am soooo nervous. What if they don't take me? What if they say I am not fat enough? What a ridiculous predicament - not fat enough - my BMI is too LOW. Hah! I will have to go away and eat myself into a higher BMI so they will take me...They generally don't take anyone with a BMI lower than 35. My Dr calculated mine at 34. I have done a bit of judicious eating in the past week - just Vogels & Organic Crunchy Peanut Butter at afternoon tea. Enough? I hope so.
I had received lots of information by mail about my two day visit. Bit daunting. The whole Lap Band Op is only part of the treatment - the rest is a comprehensive two year follow up with counselling sessions with the Team, plus "adjustments to the band". The "adjustment" bit has just popped into my consciousness....how do they adjust it if it is INSIDE???
The staff are all women and lovely. The first person I see is the Practice Nurse. We go through my questionnaire. She laughs at my long, longlist of tried weight loss methods. I considered "Past Life Regression" perfectly valid. A somewhat eccentric friend told me all weight problems were linked to past life experiences. So off I went. I was a Nun and a WWI fighter pilot - and was still fat.
No-one can say I haven't tried everything.
We look at the Lap Band - the name is trademarked so imagine a little copyright sign every time Imention it as Ican't find it here on my keyboard.
It really is a crafty piece of engineering. The inflatable bit for the saline is actually lots of little pockets which puff like a cathedral quilt - or deflate. The portal is carefully stitched to just below the breastbone. It's tiny. With a membrane that "heals" to allow a needle through. Yes, a needle.
The bit none of the literature mentions.
The Needle.
To inflate and deflate with the saline solution you need a Needle.
A Big Needle.
In your stomach - to get to the port.
I ask who prescribes the Novocaine patches and she laughes. I really thought we were bonding up to now, a new friendship, femme a femme - she's laughing!
" Most people don't feel it at all"
" Are they asleep?"
"No"
" Just lie down, lift up the top, swab, position and jab?"
" Yes"
" No painkillers?"
" You have very few nerves in that area, most people don't even feel it."
You have to wonder if she is lying don't you? I have been looking at the needle on the desk. I pick the horse syringe up and look at the darning needle attached.
"Not one person?"
"Well, one lady used a numbing gell to start with - but when it was finished didn't bother with more"
"A ha - might go up to two ladies..."
" That's okay - but the nurse who does the adjustments is very gentle and very understanding."
Then we got to height and BMI.
I am such a midget.
155cm on their height chart - am I shrinking already? I'm too young to shrink!
Next I stand in bare feet on a very special set of scales - it spits out a paper printout like a till receipt. I swear I hear distant giggling.
93.5kg - all that eating and only 500g?
BMI 39 - What the? Pardon?
Well, at least I am fat enough. Well fat enough....thirty bloody nine.....orca fat. Circus fat....I just thought of myself as cuddly and round. My husband loves me, I can do my 40 lengths in the pool. 39 Bloody hell. All that walking? 39? All that " no thankyou"? 39?
Next I saw the surgeon.
He was even better. Explained the whole thing - from why one's brain is hardwired the way it is, why he uses the Team approach, why it succeeds where others fail ( 99%) why it fails ( the Team & Two Year Plan has about a 1% Failure Rate). He was honest, encouraging and did not sugarcoat it (! sorry). It's going to be a hard two years. Starting next Monday - 5 days away. Pardon?
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
First Weeks Pre Operation
Welcome to my little blog.
More of a Bl'.
For over a year I have have been looking for a solution to my Type II Diabetes. The little monster I discovered is called TIID in some Journals. I hate it. It crept up on me. Then when I took the final test - I hit the jackpot.
Actually, I have a teeny weeny gripe here, and since this is my Blog I will gripe it. What is it with the vile drink they give you? It is Violent Lime Green - a colour NEVER found in nature. It has colours, preservatives, additives, E numbers galore - and you are supposed to drink it! I would never, ever drink anything like that in real life.
It was hard not to vomit before, during and after drinking it.
I was sick the entire day.
I got the sweats & shakes 5 hrs later - when you are not at the clinic. Yeugh.
No wonder they got a positive reading - I was probably glowing in the dark for 3 days and so were my poos.
There are various solutions to diabetes.
I have tried the weight loss one - lost 10kg in a year of deprivation ( not counting lack of chocolate which had to go straight away) - exercise, plu smedication ( Metformin x 3 @500mg per day).
All depressingly futile and sort of self defeating as if my body fought me the whole way.
My blood results were good - I have no damage to my eyes or peripherals ( feet or hands ) - but for how long?
Then I read about Gastric Bypass surgery. Brilliant - but way too permanent. Fixes your weight and for some reason that is not fully understood - stops the Diabetes in it's path. A cure if you like. Don't like the sound of "permanent". Don't like the sound of cutting away stomach, the words "bypass" or "stapelling". Seems like a wonder solution to some I have read about - all that loose skin is a bit of a worry....... abig skinsuit.
Call me a pussycat, but I am sure that in 20yrs we will have a much better understanding of Diabetes. Why should I have a permanent procedure for something when a better solution may come along in 10 years?
Then I read about Gastric Banding.
Seems like the solution for me.
Lots of research later - make an appointment with a specialist.
More of a Bl'.
For over a year I have have been looking for a solution to my Type II Diabetes. The little monster I discovered is called TIID in some Journals. I hate it. It crept up on me. Then when I took the final test - I hit the jackpot.
Actually, I have a teeny weeny gripe here, and since this is my Blog I will gripe it. What is it with the vile drink they give you? It is Violent Lime Green - a colour NEVER found in nature. It has colours, preservatives, additives, E numbers galore - and you are supposed to drink it! I would never, ever drink anything like that in real life.
It was hard not to vomit before, during and after drinking it.
I was sick the entire day.
I got the sweats & shakes 5 hrs later - when you are not at the clinic. Yeugh.
No wonder they got a positive reading - I was probably glowing in the dark for 3 days and so were my poos.
There are various solutions to diabetes.
I have tried the weight loss one - lost 10kg in a year of deprivation ( not counting lack of chocolate which had to go straight away) - exercise, plu smedication ( Metformin x 3 @500mg per day).
All depressingly futile and sort of self defeating as if my body fought me the whole way.
My blood results were good - I have no damage to my eyes or peripherals ( feet or hands ) - but for how long?
Then I read about Gastric Bypass surgery. Brilliant - but way too permanent. Fixes your weight and for some reason that is not fully understood - stops the Diabetes in it's path. A cure if you like. Don't like the sound of "permanent". Don't like the sound of cutting away stomach, the words "bypass" or "stapelling". Seems like a wonder solution to some I have read about - all that loose skin is a bit of a worry....... abig skinsuit.
Call me a pussycat, but I am sure that in 20yrs we will have a much better understanding of Diabetes. Why should I have a permanent procedure for something when a better solution may come along in 10 years?
Then I read about Gastric Banding.
Seems like the solution for me.
Lots of research later - make an appointment with a specialist.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)