Just Pre-Op - Doubts & Death

The night before the op is a Sunday. A girlfriend is arriving at 6am to drive me to the hospital. I have get blood tests done at a local Lab at 8am fo my surgery at 12 noon. We should make it just fine.

This is my first non emergency, elective surgery. I was filling in all my forms earlier in the week and we were transferring the money (gulp) and I realised that before I had children I had been in hospital twice. Both A&E. Once with a dislocated knee and once with a broken toe. Since my first C-Section I have had about a dozen procedures - all needing doing and a couple which saved my life.

Made me wonder about plastic surgery. Why would anyone do it? In weak moments of self indulgent in the bathroom with the door locked vanity, I have pulled eyelid skin and wobbled my wattle. I have wondered about halfmoon lifts on the boobs, apronectomies, and "freshen-ups" on the cheekbones - you know, those ones they do with the little hooks under the skin & puuuuuulll. Take more than a few tenterhooks for me. I could never do surgery for FUN.

I always say to my gorgeous husband that he has to live with me as living with him ruined my looks - he has a good chuckle as I always claim that I have had the best of him - his 20's, his 30's and now his 40's! Fair exchange. Anyway. It would take far too much bother to train a new husband - I just don't have the spare 6 weeks.

My insecurities about dying on the table were NOT helped by my beloved asking over coffee and the Sunday papers if he could have the password for my Internet banking -"You know, just in case.."
"In case of what, sweetie?"
" In case you stay in hospital longer than we expect.."
" What, like 3 days instead of overnight?"
"No, longer..."
" 4 days?"
"Just in case, you er, um, ...."
" I er, um, WHAT, darling?"
"You know, in case..."
" I shall take it all with me, just for that." (yep all $254)
"Don't be like that, I'm just being sensible."
"Goulish. It's on my mobile under your Grandma's maiden name, all lowercase."
"What?"
" Ask your Mum."

I have decided not to die - but over a dozen ops in 15 years is pushing it, I know that God loves me, and after 15 successful ops he must love me alot - and I am his little sunbeam and I am grateful - but I don't take it for granted. So I write a quick update on the will, love letters to my children & beloved, make meals for the week do all outstanding laundry, change the beds, clean the fridge, tidy the pantry sort my underwear drawer, clean out the medicine cupboard, weed the veggie patches and givethe apple snails a big piece of cucumber. On the way to the hospital I realise I forget that the oven is dirty - ah well.