Visit to Specialist(s)

Drove two hours to see the specialist.

I am soooo nervous. What if they don't take me? What if they say I am not fat enough? What a ridiculous predicament - not fat enough - my BMI is too LOW. Hah! I will have to go away and eat myself into a higher BMI so they will take me...They generally don't take anyone with a BMI lower than 35. My Dr calculated mine at 34. I have done a bit of judicious eating in the past week - just Vogels & Organic Crunchy Peanut Butter at afternoon tea. Enough? I hope so.



I had received lots of information by mail about my two day visit. Bit daunting. The whole Lap Band Op is only part of the treatment - the rest is a comprehensive two year follow up with counselling sessions with the Team, plus "adjustments to the band". The "adjustment" bit has just popped into my consciousness....how do they adjust it if it is INSIDE???



The staff are all women and lovely. The first person I see is the Practice Nurse. We go through my questionnaire. She laughs at my long, longlist of tried weight loss methods. I considered "Past Life Regression" perfectly valid. A somewhat eccentric friend told me all weight problems were linked to past life experiences. So off I went. I was a Nun and a WWI fighter pilot - and was still fat.

No-one can say I haven't tried everything.



We look at the Lap Band - the name is trademarked so imagine a little copyright sign every time Imention it as Ican't find it here on my keyboard.

It really is a crafty piece of engineering. The inflatable bit for the saline is actually lots of little pockets which puff like a cathedral quilt - or deflate. The portal is carefully stitched to just below the breastbone. It's tiny. With a membrane that "heals" to allow a needle through. Yes, a needle.



The bit none of the literature mentions.

The Needle.

To inflate and deflate with the saline solution you need a Needle.

A Big Needle.

In your stomach - to get to the port.



I ask who prescribes the Novocaine patches and she laughes. I really thought we were bonding up to now, a new friendship, femme a femme - she's laughing!



" Most people don't feel it at all"

" Are they asleep?"

"No"

" Just lie down, lift up the top, swab, position and jab?"

" Yes"

" No painkillers?"

" You have very few nerves in that area, most people don't even feel it."



You have to wonder if she is lying don't you? I have been looking at the needle on the desk. I pick the horse syringe up and look at the darning needle attached.



"Not one person?"

"Well, one lady used a numbing gell to start with - but when it was finished didn't bother with more"

"A ha - might go up to two ladies..."

" That's okay - but the nurse who does the adjustments is very gentle and very understanding."

Then we got to height and BMI.

I am such a midget.



155cm on their height chart - am I shrinking already? I'm too young to shrink!

Next I stand in bare feet on a very special set of scales - it spits out a paper printout like a till receipt. I swear I hear distant giggling.

93.5kg - all that eating and only 500g?
BMI 39 - What the? Pardon?



Well, at least I am fat enough. Well fat enough....thirty bloody nine.....orca fat. Circus fat....I just thought of myself as cuddly and round. My husband loves me, I can do my 40 lengths in the pool. 39 Bloody hell. All that walking? 39? All that " no thankyou"? 39?



Next I saw the surgeon.

He was even better. Explained the whole thing - from why one's brain is hardwired the way it is, why he uses the Team approach, why it succeeds where others fail ( 99%) why it fails ( the Team & Two Year Plan has about a 1% Failure Rate). He was honest, encouraging and did not sugarcoat it (! sorry). It's going to be a hard two years. Starting next Monday - 5 days away. Pardon?